The Dark Side of The Happy Goddess
ARGH! SH*T! WTH?! I’m so frustrated!
Selecting the topic and images for each of the Love Letters is always a task of the heart for me. You may have noticed that there was not an April or May issue of the Love Letter. What happened to the Happy Goddess?! She had a come apart! Yep. With that being said …
Let’s just go ahead and take a walk on the “dark” side of Life.
Pictured above is Miss Bella. She is having a moment of extreme sadness and reflection. This beautifully illustrates emotions in action. It’s also a great image that reflects how I was feeling on so many days in April! I am not entirely certain what went down; however, I was feeling sad, mad, frustrated, disappointed, hurt, angry, furious, worn out, and “sick of it all!” At one point, I looked at Kim and said, “You know what? I am ready to just throw in the towel, stop doing everything, and change my signature line to: Sandra J Filer a Tia and Great Friend!” So there everybody. Yea! Then I threw myself on the couch and had a good cry. For days.
I gave myself permission to FEEL and EXPRESS all of it.
Once I had someone say to me (after sharing a grief experience), “Gosh, I can’t believe you are saying this to me, I just got done saying that you are always happy. I didn’t think you had anything ever get to you.”
Kim calls it the “dark side of the Happy Goddess.” Being behind the scenes, he gets to experience the many faces of Sandra. And yes, I have the full range of experiences, actions, and reactions. I am human.
What I learned through this experience may resonate with many of you reading this Love Letter. The underlying issue in my “come apart” was that I was stretched too far, over committed, and tired. The dark side took me to the pity party, overly criticizing myself, feeling unsuccessful, and I found myself playing the role of victim and blamer. (Just typing that feels icky!)
After getting it all out, the lesson in it (and the aha) was that I was responsible for creating this drama in my Life. After wiping my tears, taking a much needed break, clearing my calendar, and making new decisions that created more balance in my Life, I realized … I AM ENOUGH.
It isn’t about the title, certification, number of followers on Facebook, or the size of my paycheck. I am Sandra, The Happy Goddess, Tia, sister, daughter, friend, wife, and mother to all my animals. I AM ME and ME IS ENOUGH. Heck, I am more than enough … I AM AWESOME!
Out of the darkness comes the light. Today I am dancing in it.
This message is not only about me, it is about YOU because we are all one. Each of us wants the very same thing. We want to be loved, appreciated, and feel purposeful.
So know it and own it … YOU are ENOUGH … YOU are AWESOME!!
Live. Love. Play. Prosper.
With love and gratitude,